


Flare

by Mysti_Fogg



Series: Madelaine Shepard [5]
Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: F/M, Fist Fights, Mental Breakdown, Not Canon Compliant, POV Garrus Vakarian, POV James Vega, Paragon Commander Shepard, Paragon Uses Renegade Interrupt, Repressed Anger Issues, Spacer (Mass Effect), The Reaper War, Vanguard (Mass Effect), War Hero (Mass Effect)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-28
Updated: 2017-10-03
Packaged: 2019-01-06 11:36:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,705
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12210510
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mysti_Fogg/pseuds/Mysti_Fogg
Summary: Commander Shepard prides herself on being infallibly kind, polite, patient, and compassionate to others. In the middle of the Reaper War, all it takes is the wrong word from the wrong person to unleash years of carefully repressed anger.





	1. So You Want To Dance?

"Vega." His shoulders stiffen as he is bent over the table, cleaning the gun. Something in Shepard's tone isn't right. "Dance with me." 

He turns around slowly to see the petite woman smiling up at him. Or maybe she's baring her perfect teeth. 

The primal part of his brain that he's trained and trained and trained as a marine to flip on the fight instinct says _Hell NO! I want no part of this. Give me a goddamn Reaper to fight barehanded instead._ And repeatedly slams the flight button, making him scuttle back against his work station with a bang, scattering heat sinks.

"Commander...." He squeaks out her title and then clears his throat. "I'm a little busy."

"You're also my trainee. You need to be prepared to combat whatever, whenever, wherever. I know your commanding officer. I'm sure she'll cut you some slack for a few rounds." At the edges of his vision, Vega could swear he sees biotic sparks. "Besides, you like to dance." Is there a red glow in her eyes? "Don't tell me you're afraid to lose again."

"No. No. It's good, Lola." He manages to detach himself from the table. "But no biotics unless you want to fight me in armor."

"Of course not. I wouldn't want to take an unfair advantage." Her fingers twitch and the workout mats come flying to settle behind her in precise alignment. She isn't looking where she's putting them, but they're still perfect. That's unsettling. And he's sweating. The temperature of the entire shuttle bay seems to have gone up 25 degrees. She doesn't normally have this kind of power just bleeding off of her. Not even close.

Vega's training included the tidbit that emotional states, particularly anger, can boost biotic power, but his mind is a blank. He can't think of anything he's done to upset her. If she really didn't want to be called Lola, all she had to do was tell him.

Back near the Kodiak, Cortez's voice calls out, "Hey, Vega, you want me to get a betting pool going on this one?" His fingers are darting quickly over his omni-tool's keypad.

"Estaban! Yes. Brilliant idea! I'm sure Scars and Doc will want to get in on it." _And maybe one of them might save my ass. Er... maybe both of them together might save my ass._

"We don't need them to get started," Lola says as she backs up onto the mat and crooks her finger at him to follow her. Is she even blinking?

He walks forward slowly, bouncing on the balls of his feet, trying to loosen up. It's not working. He wishes he knew what happened to her.

Lola slides under his defenses while he's distracted and strikes at his face with an open hand. When his flight instincts cause him to raise both of his hands to block, she ducks while punching him in the kidney, then tosses him over her shoulder.

He rolls back onto his feet and swivels to face her. Her next punches he manages to block. The barely suppressed corona of blue biotic sparks around her stings his forearms. He aims right hook at her, followed by a left uppercut. She dodges back and to the left, catching him in the stomach with a punch of her own. Fortunately, with all the muscle there, he can take it. Unfortunately, her next target is his right armpit, causing him to drop that arm entirely, and leaving him open to several solid punches to the face that end with him on the floor.

" _Madre de dios_ " he mutters as he pulls himself off the floor. 

Vega decides not to wait and launches himself at her with the predictable results of being flipped. But that was the point. If she's going to put him down, give her fewer options on how she does it. This is an endurance game. Control is the best option.

This time when he gets up, Lola starts in on him right away. He's doing better at blocking, but makes the tactical mistake of trying to force her back with his larger size. Instead of blocking in the prescribed style, she grabs both of his wrists and then pulls him forward to headbutt him.

The last thing he hears as he passes out is a gasp from the Doc as she runs in.

#

"Garrus! Garrus! You need to come with me right now!" Liara pulls Garrus away from his logistics reports.

"What is it?" he asks.

"It's Shepard. She's gone to spar with Vega."

"I don't think her sparring with Vega is an emergency. They do that from time to time. He seems to enjoy the ego boost of training with Shepard." 

"I think there's something wrong with her. Joker said she was making his skin crawl with energy. And she didn't stop to talk to him. You know she always gets an update from him when she returns."

They sprint to the elevator. "Alright. You're the information broker. But Shepard doesn't exactly do the angry biotic off the battlefield. I'm sure it will be fine."

Their omni-tools chime and Cortez's SOS appears. Liara bites her lip, "She apparently just put Kaidan back in the hospital. They were only supposed to be having lunch, Garrus."

"Spirits take him, what the hell did he say to her that was worse than Horizon? What the hell did he say to her that was worse than the quarians shooting us in the back?" 

They step into the elevator and Garrus leans on the button for the shuttle bay.

Liara just shakes her head, "I don't know. They had a few bad moments on Mars. She was as diplomatic as usual in spite of it all. I almost thought they might be friends again."

"No. She told me she was prepared to shoot him over the councilors. And apparently she was angry about Mars. But she was in a good frame of mind when she left the ship. She should have been able to manage basic formalities, even with Kaidan. I'm not quite sure what she'd get more upset about than being called a traitor to the Alliance."

"Is she sleeping well? She seems ... worn out. Maybe the war has finally gotten to her?"

Garrus's mind wanders back over Shepard's current weariness. _There's only so much fight in a person._ But she'd never want to tell Liara that. "She has been tired, but she lets me talk her into bed. Wait. That came out wrong."

The elevator door opens and Liara gasps at Vega's falling body.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to my first major break with canon.
> 
> This is the first fic idea I had because the ex-Kaidan/Shepard relationship was incredibly unsatisfying. In 3 games, it's the only time my paragon Shepard went looking impatiently for a Renegade Interrupt option. And there wasn't one! 
> 
> I don't hate Kaidan. But I do suspect that the inability to have a conversation with him (rather than be talked to while having to be conciliatory with him despite his accusations) is one of the reasons he's so disliked.


	2. Levana and Nicandro

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Garrus and Shepard have a physical fight while Shepard tries to put anger into words.

The shuttle bay is as warm as summer in Cipritine. Garrus locks gazes with Shepard as she looks up from her fallen opponent. Her eyes hold the reddish glow of the Cerberus cybernetics. He hasn't seen that since she found him on Omega. 

She paces toward the elevator, as if daring him and Liara to criticize her. "You missed your chance to bet. It was four short rounds."

"I'm hurt, Shepard." His voice is deceptively playful. "You wanted to blow off some steam and you didn't call me?" He gently nudges Liara to the side and strides toward his girlfriend, not breaking eye contact with her. 

"You're out of practice on your hand to hand moves." Shepard's words are flat. He can see how tightly she's still wound up.

"Actually, being Reaper advisor, I've had a lot of time to brush up on my skills, impress the new recruits, bash husk skulls traveling from encampment to encampment..." Garrus begins stripping off his gauntlets and setting them on a console. He's outwardly calm while his heart pounds. Despite her barely controlled anger, he can't help enjoying the challenge of Shepard. "You look like you have a round or nine left in you. And Jimmy looks like he needs a trip to medbay and a soft bed. Maybe now that he's seen what it takes to pacify a krogan, he'll rethink his dance partners," Garrus flares his mandible in amusement and undoes the armor clasps of his chest piece. "C'mon, Shepard."

"I don't want to hurt you, Garrus." She unclenches a hand. Her biotics flare around them and he can finally see how much raw energy she has to burn through.

He hits the overload program on his omni-tool and the power fizzles down to her personal barrier. "You don't need to do me any favors, Shepard."

"Alright." She shifts her weight from foot to foot and the red glow in her eyes dies down. Score one for the turian.

He turns to Liara. "Why don't you and Cortez help Jimmy to Dr. Chakwas?" He begins methodically pulling apart his greaves and setting them in a pile.

"If you're sure you don't want a referee..." Liara says hesitantly.

"No. Shepard wouldn't cheat," he says confidently. "That wouldn't be fun." Liara's eyes widen and he can feel the oppressive heat behind him intensify. Somehow he has said the wrong thing, but there's no time to think about that now. 

Garrus finishes removing his armor so that he's down to his undersuit and swaggers toward Shepard, being careful to keep himself between her and the others. "You know, my mother always told me not to date a biotic. When normal people get mad and throw things, it's usually just one thing at a time. When biotics get mad and throw things, it's everything in the room. Or maybe just a whole Kodiak." He eyes the vehicle, but it stays where it is. This is good.

"Were you always awful at doing what people asked, or did she think you'd actually listen at the time?" Shepard matches her gait to his, stopping when he stops, leaving perhaps 12 feet between them.

"Oh, I was a mostly good kid. Then I actually got to see biotics in action during boot camp. Got into a competition with one girl, seeing how quickly I could strip down her barriers and she could put them back up. That was fun!" He waves a mandible and is amused by a possessive echoing twitch from Shepard's fingers. "And we both got commendations at graduation." He turns and paces to the side, veering closer to her as he does so. "I actually got to see her on Palaven. She'd made captain in the Cabal. Talked about old times. She said she'd missed me." He has his words timed to the speed of his steps and Liara's departure with Cortez and Jimmy. The elevator door hisses shut. He drops his voice an octave, "But I was busy missing you." 

Matching his pacing seems to have calmed Shepard down a good deal. Humans find mirroring soothing, he's read. He curls his fingers in a 'come at me' gesture, but she continues to circle him at a distance, waiting.

With a smile, Garrus turns partially away from Shepard to make a few last arrangements and present a more tempting target. "EDI, lock down the cargo bay and turn off all recording devices."

"Yes, Advisor Vakarian."

"Go offline in this area for the next two hours." He feigns inattention at Shepard, glancing at the door.

"Logging you out, Advisor Vakarian." EDI's precise voice will hide the sound of Shepard's footsteps. And... now. He drops low to sweep at her legs as she goes sailing over his head with a kick aimed at where his chest was.

"Look who finally learned to duck." Shepard's voice is taunting, but normal as he completes the spin to face her again.

"It wasn't ducking, it was attacking. Attacking is different. Turians are good at that." 

"So I just need to get you trained to go hand to hand with brutes? Good to know." She steps up to him, doing a basic series of kicks that he blocks easily.

"Ah, but then who would have your back? I can't be everywhere at once. That's your job." Her exasperated laugh messes up her flow, and he takes the opening to hook her leg. She escapes by slicing a hand at his neck and tumbling away when his grip loosens. "If you wanted to spar, you really should have asked me. I can take it better than poor Jimmy."

"Yeah. Well. That's the problem. Laying out Vega might take a bit if he's having a good day, but it's pretty straightforward. You I'd probably have to kill because you're a clever, sneaky bastard." She charges him, and he catches her. Instead of resisting, he lets the impact send him rolling with her across the mats. He lands braced against the wall with her suitably restrained. Until she charges again, phasing through his arms and stopping near a support beam.

"Clever enough to get you to laugh so that you don't have to kill anyone. You're not giving enough credit to the benefits of style." He stalks back to the mat, and she mirrors him again, walking forward.

"Maybe I should take more lessons in that." She gives him a saucy look.

"No. Not until you talk about what's bothering you. I'm not letting you out of here to be a menace to the rest of the crew later."

"But I'm the commander!"

"Who voluntarily created her own padded cell because she knows she has a problem," He lashes out with a blow to her head that she narrowly dodges, managing to get in a good punch to his stomach before backing off, shaking her hand after connecting with his plates. "Come on. Liara told me you had lunch with Kaidan. What stupid thing did he say this time? I didn't think Udina was an issue."

"Gah. That was. That was bad. He never actually believes in me, but he fell for the Commander Shepard pep talk anyway of how he'd know it was the truth and how I thought he knew me. It was what he wanted to hear to put the gun down."

"So you said. And it worked. Or one of us would have shot him. And that's that and the council is safe."

"And he's getting all the media attention for shooting Udina." She begins another series of kicks. 

"You hate all the media attention until it's gone, huh?" He blocks, moving backward before making a counterattack, halting her kicks and swatting her in the back of the head for leaving an opening. 

She reverses direction and spins away from him. "No. I ... he doesn't deserve it. He would have killed us instead because of his obsessions with Cerberus. I don't want to encourage people to be like him."

"But you seemed to be handling it. You're good at all the handshaking and inspirational speeches and smiling. So what did he do?" he paces her, naturally light-footed in a way that a human can't match. But she's warily staying outside of his range.

"He... I... it's complicated."

"So start small."

She circles defensively, shifting stances to discourage any advances before he can make them. "I was with him before Ilos. I thought he was a nice guy. I thought my career was gone. I thought I might want to live a little before being court-martialed for mutiny." 

"I do remember that a bit."

She launches another attack, moving with quick kicks that turn into a more complicated pattern involving lots of ducking as he counterattacks with jabs and claw strikes. "And you were there for Horizon. Mars was just more of the same." Their movements turn into a dance where they never quite touch. "Maybe I would have been more blunt with him if I hadn't been so focused on the mission and using my spare brain power for trying to think of an excuse to find you on Palaven so we could solve this thing. I told him what he needed to hear to keep going. And I told him I was the same person and nothing had changed." There's a deeply bitter sound to her voice, and she backs him off with a shockwave. "He seemed to think that meant I wanted him back. I was just trying to stop all the bullshit he keeps saying about me not being me since Cerberus." The power is glowing around her again.

"Mmm." He sets off another overload to get the biotic side effects down to more manageable levels.

" _Mmm?_ We haven't even gotten to the part that should make you go _mmm_ yet. When I went to visit him in the hospital, he asked about you. And me."

"Well, at least he figured that part out on his own." Garrus aims a sidekick at her, and she manages to evade and punch him in the back, this time in a less well-plated area. That's definitely going to bruise. He snaps around and tries to grab her hand, but she pulls away.

"And there I was with him looking like a sack of meat, and you know how he gets those headaches... so I was very polite. Just refocused things on Horizon. And he asked if we could move past this, and I said sure, glad we'd cleared the air. I... I should have gushed about you or something. Maybe if I described in detail how we'd had sex on every square inch of our cabin he'd have gotten the point that I wasn't interested. I just... he doesn't handle stress well ... and ... and... and goddamn it!" she spins around and punches Vega's weight set with a biotic shielded fist. "I should not have to make excuses for him. I should not have to spend my time trying to find a way to be polite to him. I should not have to justify myself to him. I was dead. He moved on. Why can't he just stay moved on?"

Garrus pauses to watch as she just keeps punching solid iron. Oh, he could cause another overload and blow her barrier, but then she'd break her hands. Or he could attack, but it seems that she's finally found something not alive to destroy. So he lets her break things while she makes inarticulate growling noises. Then he asks, "But what did he do today?"

"We were talking. About Earth. About food. About life. It was. It was fine. And then he mentions how he's not always sleeping well, and I have to ask him about it. It was... I was just being polite. I wanted him to be alright after nearly getting his head caved in. And then he tells me that he's wondering about us. I was a little bit stunned. I wasn't expecting that. 'Us?' I ask. And then he says 'I understand why you cheated on me, but I still love you.' And ... and something about always being loyal to me... and there was more blather but I just shut down."

She shudders and hits the weights again, her voice filled with venomous rage, "Nice guys. Hah. They think they always get the girl. They're entitled to the girl. I. AM NOT. A PIECE. OF PROPERTY." The blue biotic power just flows out from her, flooding the cargo bay, sparking along Garrus's feet. Her eyes glow red, and the old cybernetic scars heat up under her skin. "I didn't cheat on him! I don't belong to him! No one owns me! He's just another Alliance asshole telling me what to do to make him happy because apparently none of them can do any of this themselves. Just save the universe, make peace between the turians and the krogan, stop the quarian-geth war, and on the way don't forget to pick up my dry cleaning." She beats the weight bench into slag. "I shouldn't be surprised when someone adds fuck me until I feel better to my list of chores."

She growls again, and works on ripping up every bit of metal her hands come across. Garrus walks toward her. The heat is only beginning to reach uncomfortable levels for a turian. He kneels down behind her and waits. He's been expecting her to have some kind of breakdown. He just wasn't expecting it to be Kaidan who broke her carefully constructed armor of politeness and duty.

He puts a hand on her shoulder. Her punches slow down, and finally stop. She just stands there, breathing hard. He puts his other arm around her waist, and slowly, carefully, he folds her to him. He sits down with his spurs to either side of him, cradling her in his lap. 

"I'm sorry," she croaks out. "I'm sorry for being such a mess lately."

"Shepard, you're not a mess. You really are saving everyone. We're nearly at the end. We just need to find the Catalyst and we'll give the Reapers their final battle. We're going to win through this. And if we don't, we're going to go down giving them a hell of a fight." His hands stroke her upper arms soothingly as he looks at the unidentifiable metal bits around them. "One hell of a fight."

"I don't think I have anything left." She sounds dispirited.

"I know a weight bench that would disagree."

She's laughing and coughing all at once, and then wraps her own arms around his.

Garrus holds her quietly, listening to her breathing, and feeling the dampness of her sweat trickling down onto his chest. "I wish I had known you before the war," he finally says. "When this could all be the kind of thing that happens to other people. I don't know that I could ever have asked you out. But as a friend, I would like to think I'd at least take you to see some turian films. We make the best war movies in the galaxy. Turian romances: a lot of them are like this. Two soldiers fall in love in a trench and then they have to fight their way to the end of the war if they want to be together. If you knew what I was talking about, maybe I could give you a rendition of famous scenes and make you laugh at us." He shakes his head at the cultural barrier that means he never has the right words. He can't just say _Levana and Nicandro_ and have her understand.

He sighs, "I know the pressure is making you sick. That's normal. But you never give up. I know how to get us to the last battle, Shepard. We're so close to an end. And after that, you can rest. I promise." He buries his nose in her hair.

After a few minutes of silence, she grasps at the line he's thrown her. "So we're playing out a classic turian romance?" 

"Yep. Pretty classic."

"How does it end?"

"I don't know yet. There's three possibilities: We both die, we both live, or one of us dies and one of us lives. The first two are more popular."

"So when did we become a vid?"

"Mmmm... I don't know." Garrus rubs a mandible against her cheek. " I only noticed when there was a full-scale battle all around me and I realized I was waiting for you to show up in some spectacular fashion. And then you actually _did_."

"I thought the award for surprise entrance went to you, coming up to us all calm and being saluted by the general. After apparently having just one-handedly saved part of Victus's army."

"I _am_ the best sniper in the galaxy."

"And a closet romantic."

He laughs, "No. I definitely did not want some grand romance. Wasn't even thinking about it. I just met this alien woman and she changed every bit of my life before I knew what was happening." His mouthplates scrape along her neck, and she rests her head on his shoulder. 

She sighs, "You asked to come along."

"Best decision of my life. At least with you I can do something meaningful."

"Fight the lost cause?"

"It's not lost yet, Shepard. And you won't let it be. I know you can do this," he holds her and tries not to think of the future. 

"When this is over..." her breathing hitches. "I'm going to resign."

"What?"

"Resign my commission. I can't do this anymore. I don't know what I _will_ do. But not this. I need fewer people in my life making demands."

Garrus considers this silently. All sorts of things would be possible. 

Shepard's voice tremors slightly in the silence, "That wouldn't bother you, would it? I know titles are import-"

"No, Shepard. Never. I'm a bad turian, remember? I don't care so long as I'm with you," he pauses, "You are thinking of staying together?"

"So long as you want to put up with me being lost and not knowing what to do with myself for the first time in my life." He can hear the little vibrations of uncertainty as if she did have subharmonics.

"I've put up with following your ass around the galaxy more times than I can count because you might have forgotten something in the Shrike Abyssal and then Hackett left his dry cleaning in Gemini Sigma. You couldn't lose me if you wanted to," he runs his hands up and down her sides, not letting go. "Let me deal with Kaidan."

Shepard turns her head sharply to look at Garrus. "I can handle him."

"I know you can handle him," Garrus tactfully does not bring up how much she wasn't handling him at all 10 minutes ago. "But he's a distraction and we need you at your best. You made me your executive officer, I'll take care of it."

"Are you sure?"

"Absolutely. In the meantime, you're kind of sticky," he shifts his grip on her, and then stands, carrying her to the elevator. "How about a shower?"

She rests her head against him and murmurs her agreement.


	3. Personnel Matters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Garrus and Kaidan have a chat.

Garrus strides into Huerta Memorial Hospital and makes his way to what should probably be renamed the Alenko suite. The news stories about the incident with Shepard and Kaidan have been spun as some kind of training gone wrong. 

As he enters the room, Alenko is stripped to the waist with a sheet barely covering below that. It seems unusual that a hospital wouldn't provide a gown. Was Alenko actually trying to show off?

Alenko turns his head and looks surprised to see the turian, "Garrus?"

"XO Vakarian at the moment," he flares his mandibles in a friendly greeting. "Shepard added the title after I agreed to work from the ship. Just fulfilling my duties to look after an injured crewman who is still on our rolls."

"Shepard-"

"Isn't coming," Garrus shuts down that line of inquiry immediately. "She has too much work to do preparing the largest fleet in history to save the galaxy. She regrets not being able to devote as much time to personnel matters," Garrus looks around the large, well-lit, sterile room. "You are healing well and should be on your feet tomorrow according to the doctors."

"Yes. I'll be fit to resume my duties on the Normandy," Alenko seems innocently cheerful.

"Actually, we've received a transfer request from Admiral Hackett. He wants you to lead a biotic team in his ground forces, and we believe that would be a better placement."

"I'd prefer to stay with the Normandy," Alenko asserts.

"No," Garrus says flatly.

"That seems like something for Shepard to decide."

"She has decided to delegate this entire matter to me," Garrus takes a deep breath. "I'm familiar with your exemplary record. I know all about the responsibilities of a Spectre and the kind of power you can bring to bear. _However_ your ... mmm ... personality conflicts with senior officers indicate you would be more useful serving elsewhere."

"Personality conflict? Huh." Alenko lets out a puff of breath.

"Yes."

"You trying to scare me away, Garrus?"

"Me? You think I have some illusion that I'm scary? You're apparently not scared of a woman who just trained with Aria T'Loak in how to set people on fire with her mind. I don't expect you to be scared of me."

"Shepard could, but she never would."

Garrus presses his thumb and forefinger to either side of his nose and looks down. "She just did. You might not remember the part about being on fire because from what I've gathered from the vids, human women insulted over dinner by men express their displeasure by throwing water on them, and she apparently dumped you in the Presidium Reservoir." He takes a deep breath, "But you're right that I'm not like Shepard, so let's get straight to the problem of you harassing her."

"It's not harassment to ask a woman for a date. Which she agreed to."

"She agreed to talk with you over lunch. Her perspective is that it was never a date, it was two old friends talking."

"Then she misunderstood." 

"Yes. She appears to have misunderstood that you were over her. This is all part of a pattern of passive aggressive harassment that started when you broke up with her on Horizon."

"We didn't break up on Horizon," Alenko huffs.

"You forget that I was there and got to watch you humiliate her in front of her squad. She thinks you broke up with her, and I can't remember anything to the contrary." Garrus pulls out his omni-tool to review the recent paperwork. "Zaeed's comments are best summed up as 'Ungrateful bugger.' Joker, who was monitoring everything with EDI, gave me a fifteen-page report on the matter to put in your file should it become necessary. The highlights include an entire essay on the meaning of loyalty. I think he broke a couple of fingers typing it up last night. I never realized he had such firm ideas on the subject. All other witnesses agree you broke up with her."

"I... I wrote her a message after."

"Yes. I have that here as well should I need to append it to your file. It closes with 'When things settle down a little... maybe... I don't know. Just take care.' I'm a detective, Kaidan. Just because I've spent the last four years shooting people doesn't mean I've forgotten how to put a case together. You had a domestic dispute in front of multiple witnesses. You regretted what you said when you broke up with her, but even then you weren't sure you wanted her back. You knew you broke up with her when you were doing it."

"It was a shock to see her. She was dead!" Alenko is on full defensive now, looking for sympathy.

Garrus chuckles, "Trust me. I know all about seeing a ghost walking through a firefight. I know it's a shock and impossible and what it is to worry that Cerberus is controlling her and that Shepard isn't really Shepard. I stayed close to her in part to find the truth and protect her because she needed someone willing to walk through hell with her."

"We don't all have the freedom to resign our commissions and chase a dead woman."

"Actually, we all _do_ have that freedom, just most people don't exercise it because it would be too much trouble," Garrus keeps his tone calm. "But she's never seemed the least bit mad at you for being a good Alliance soldier and doing your duty. You moving on with your life doesn't bother her at all."

Alenko sits in a stunned and sullen silence.

Garrus puts his omni-tool away. "Just let her go. Take the position with Hackett."

"You'd like that, wouldn't you?"

"Yes. It would be incredibly convenient for all of the Citadel races if Shepard could focus on winning the war without opening up a new warfront with you."

"No. I mean you're with her. You'd like it if I just went away."

Garrus considers if there's any point in revealing just how much he would like it considering all his problems trying to keep Shepard from breaking down while also running on the ground crew; coordinating the turian navy, marines, air force, and army with the Alliance and krogan forces; finding supplies and care for the turian Citadel refugees; and now having to deal with this personal crap. No. The man is too fixated on Shepard. He'd take any admission of difficulty as sign of an opening, and while Shepard seems much more stable today, if she has another breakdown, Garrus is certain it will be worse. He needs to snipe the problems before they get too close to her. 

"Personally, you don't bother me at all, Kaidan. I was looking forward to working with you again. That was before I realized you are not in the right frame of mind to be near your ex. Listen to yourself. You talk about your duties as a soldier in the same breath you defend creating personal problems for another officer. Take the position with Hackett. Clear your head. Try talking to her after the war if you must."

"I don't understand you. 'Talk to her after the war?' You're not even going to fight about her?"

Garrus blinks. "No. Why should I?"

"You don't love her at all," Alenko states with certainty.

"What?" He's shocked at the ludicrous accusation.

"If you wouldn't fight for her, you must not care."

Garrus lets the personal irritation leak into his voice, "I'm fighting a war for the whole damn galaxy at her side. I don't think anyone could possibly fight for her more except for her herself."

"But you won't fight me for her. You would just let her go."

"Yes. If she wanted to." 

"Then you must not love her. If you loved her, you would never let her go."

Garrus now understands perfectly how Kaidan ended up in the reservoir. With difficulty, he restrains his temper, "If I'm doing it right, then she won't ever _want_ to leave and if I'm not taking care of her right, then of course she should go." He stands up. "Look us up after the war. Until then, you are no longer welcome aboard the Normandy. If you attempt to come back, I will attach all the casework on your treatment of Shepard to your personnel file and we can see what that does for the career you valued far more than her. Good day."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kaidan's last bit about who loves Shepard more is a reaction to some fan chatter I've read elsewhere that Shepard should pick Kaidan because he's so sad if she doesn't whereas Garrus is just fine with being her friend and never puts up a fight for her in any jealousy dialogues.


End file.
